


just a shooting star

by jilyspotter



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: LITTLE DOES HE KNOW, M/M, except not really, for jacques and simon, garrett is only mentioned oops, just bram pining, kind of a character study of bram
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 18:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14290929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilyspotter/pseuds/jilyspotter
Summary: a snapshot of Abraham Greenfeld pining for Jacques and Simon.





	just a shooting star

**Author's Note:**

> title from Sweet Adeline by Elliott Smith :)

Simon, Bram thought, was as close to perfect as any human could get.

His tousled blond hair caught the sun whilst his head was thrown back, laughing at some kind of ridiculous pun Leah had just made, and it looked like it was glowing. Bram thought it was an apt metaphor for describing Simon Spier – not a shining star, but a glowing one. The type of person to light up the room when they walked in, without realising it. A quiet, unassuming guy who, when he smiled, made Bram’s heart flutter and tap dance without his permission.

It wasn’t fair. It was absolutely, irrevocably, undeniably not fair.

Bram may have had the sneaking suspicion that he was falling for Simon, and falling hard – what kind of creep does that? Falls in love – wait, no. That’s not quite right. Well, if not in love, then Bram was certainly falling in like with this boy of 16, who made his day better just by watching the golden-haired teen shovel down gross cafeteria food whilst simultaneously holding a debate with Nick about the merits of watermelon-flavoured oreos (strongly against, in case you were wondering) and somehow managing to spray crumbs everywhere every time he opened his mouth.

Bram thought this was an endearing quality; Garrett, not so much (especially when forced to listen to 20 different recounts of that one moment for about a lifetime – the time before soccer practice was basically one, anyway).

Even if he was not 90% sure that Simon Spier was Jacques, Bram would still have a hard time not smiling every time Simon smiled, or laughing behind his fist at his painfully unfunny jokes.

He would have felt guilty about it, of course, but Jacques wasn’t a real person – at least, in Bram’s mind. He had a hard time reconciling the Jacques he emailed every day with a guy who went to Creekwood High, and sometimes that realisation got too much for him. So he continued to chuckle at Simon’s puns and steal his fries, and only felt marginally guilty when the little voice in his head reminded him about his secret pen-pal.

That wasn’t to say Bram didn’t think about Jacques. In fact, one might say Bram thought about Jacques too much. Jacques occupied every available second of Bram’s thinking, he consumed Bram’s days with thoughts about his next email, he made Bram smile every time he opened Gmail and there was a new email waiting for him.

To put it simply, Jacques made Bram happy (possibly happier than he had been in a long time). And quite honestly, Bram was okay with that. Mildly terrified, yes, but definitely okay.

No wonder Garrett had noticed such a change in Bram over those couple of months. He seemed to smile more, laugh more, _stare more._ Yes, Garrett had also managed to pick up on Bram’s one-sided pining for a guy who could be straight (there was about a 5% chance Simon liked girls, since Bram was 90% sure Simon was Jacques and there was another 5% error interval in case he got both of his guesses wrong, but that 5% was still valid.)

***

Simon’s hair glistened in the sunlight. Caught by the wind, it would often slightly sway with the breeze and look like it was spun by a sugar fairy who loved blonds.

His moon-grey eyes made Bram weak at the knees, especially when they glinted as Simon told a particularly hilarious joke, or widened in comical surprise when Nick pranked him without fail, every Tuesday at lunch. Bram almost wanted to give Nick some better prank ideas - his current ones were only just working because Simon was so oblivious to everyone and everything, of course not including Bram or his pining in any way. However, Bram decided, for the greater good not to give Nick actually good ideas. What would he do if Simon’s ‘punk’d’ expression changed – or worse, left the building altogether?

There was also something to be said about Simon’s glasses. They accentuated his eyes, yes, but he also looked ridiculously hot without them. It was like someone had scrubbed away all remaining vestiges of his childishness when Simon took his glasses off. Unfortunately for Bram’s weak and gay heart, this only happened every lunchtime, at least 3 times. Why was there so much dust and dirt everywhere? Glasses were the bane of Bram’s existence, but they also allowed him to live relatively peacefully in class (less hot, more adorable), and only have heart palpitations from time to time (every time Simon took his glasses off to wipe them, without fail.)

 

However, Jacques held a larger portion of Bram’s heart (figuratively. Bram was sensible, he hadn’t sold his heart to an organ donor claiming they **needed hearts and lungs ASAP, payment given, do not hesitate to contact (404** ) **xxx-xxxx** as he had seen on a dodgy ad from a sketchy website that apparently covered the Declaration of Independence, but was an alias for vape flavours. All Bram wanted was to do his homework?!).

Rather than obsessing over Spier, Bram perpetually drafted his next email to Jacques when he got home, thought about how his day had been, what his dog was doing, if he had any French roots at all, had he ever done an ancestry.com family tree or a DNA test to find out for sure, was he open to the idea of them meeting, was _Bram_ open to the idea of them meeting?

No, the answer was. Smitten though he may be, Bram was still sensible about his feelings. This was the first time that Bram had felt this way about anyone before, and he knew that if he met Jacques (Simon?), he would clam up. He just wasn’t ready to be out, to have a relationship that meant so much to him only to inevitably mess it up.

So he vetoed yet another attempt from Jacques to reveal their identities, and hoped he wouldn’t drive the boy closest to him far, far away.

Jacques/Simon(?) was important to Bram – maybe even more important than literally anything, ever – but he could not bring himself to sacrifice the easy rapport they had fallen into. With emails from Jacques very often being the highlight of his day, Bram was afraid to destroy their fragile and tentative ‘what is this’ relationship. So at arm’s length he was kept, and at arm’s length Jacques would stay, until one of them made a grand gesture and just went for it, really put himself out there etc.

Bram really, desperately hoped that one day, Jacques would reveal who he was. At the same time, he lived in constant fear of that moment.

Some people are so complicated they are thought of as a maze rather than a person. Bram was both that maze, and the person outside.

But, he did like staring at Simon Spier at lunch, and that was an undeniable fact.

**Author's Note:**

> aaaah i just want him to be happy, why did i write this??  
> hope you enjoy the simonverse in general and also this fic, thanks becky for creating these characters i love all of them (except martin)  
> i have written a slightly better fic about spierfeld if you want to check it out :)  
> leave kudos/comments if you liked it a lot xx


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